My trip to Costco (also called “Amy loses her shit”)

I have been waiting for today for months.  Planning.  Saving. Writing lists.  Rewriting lists.  I write a lot of lists.  My bi-annual trip to Costco.  We only go in the Spring and in the Fall to stock up on certain items:  toilet paper, paper towels, contact solution, vitamins, trash sacks, etc.  Basically things that are cheaper there than at our usual shopping spot:  Winco.

 

I know some people hate Winco but I love it!  Those pajama wearing, child smacking, loudly cussing, cheapskates are my peeps!  Seriously, though…at least they know and obey the basic rules of the road like driving your cart on the right side.  This is something that the people at Costco just don’t get.  They cannot grasp the rudimentary skill of moving through the aisles.  ‘Oh here, let me park my cart with 2 items in it right in the middle of the aisle so that you, who are driving an overfull flatbed, must try to maneuver around me’.  Really people???

 

And I have no patience for people who come to Costco and get less than 5 items.  That is not how you shop Costco.  I have been going to Costco since I was a teenager with my mom and we had to drive 50 miles to get there because they weren’t as popular then.  Yea, I shopped Costco before it was cool.  Anyway, we stocked up.  No, you don’t get it.  We drove a Chevrolet Caprice Classic station wagon, do you know how big those things are?  They are freakin’ road whales.   We got so much stuff that it was squatting so bad that we couldn’t drive it home.  No shit.  We had to call my sister-in-law to come up and help us bring our haul home.  Now, that is how you shop Costco.

 

Another thing you don’t see at Costco:  people stopping to go through their grocery list and tally the cost.  At Winco everyone does that!  I’ve made my own shopping list template that has a spot to write down the amount of each item because when you use cash you have to know this shit.  No one wants to get to the checkout and come up short on money.  But the people in Costco looked at me like I was a dumbass when we would pull our carts over (out of the way mind you!) and start tallying up the cost of what we had so far.  And we had to go back around the store and put certain items back because we were over our budget.  Shocking!

 

Let me just highlight the fun I had today:

 

 

  • We used 2 flatbeds, driven by me and my eldest daughter.  The youngest one, who is 11, was standing on the flatbed while eldest pushed it.  Two older ladies came by and, frowning, expressed their opinion that she should not be doing that.  I just looked at them and told them to mind their own business.  This was about 10 minutes into our adventure.
  • Later on, as we were making a second round through the aisles to put some of it back, a gentleman stopped in the aisle right in front of us.  He was facing us so he looked right at me and then got on his phone for a very long conversation.  Without moving out of the way.  Right.  In.  The.  Middle.  Of.  The.  Aisle.   And then had the gall to look at me like he was annoyed at me for eavesdropping on his call.  So I called him a tool as I steered around him.
  • Every person that made some comment about ‘prepping’ or outright asked me if we were ‘preppers’ got the stink eye.  Yes, I realize that most people don’t buy 3 cases of toilet paper, 2 cases of paper towels and several sacks of flour & sugar but I’m not digging bunkers people.  I’m just stocking the pantry & linen closet for then next 6 months.

I will say that there was one good experience.  The couple that was in line behind us commented on how much we were buying (of course) but seemed genuinely appreciative of my twice-a-year plan.  When the lady saw my list she commented on how organized I was.  When we paid in cash (and came in $2 under budget, I might add) she commented to her husband how rare it was to see that anymore.  I felt vindicated and almost forgave the people of Costco, en mass, until some idiot flew through the parking lot way too close to the cart being pushed by my eldest.  Thank goodness I don’t have to be back here for another 6 months…

 

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