My kids are smart-asses. It’s the truth, I’m not afraid to say it. In fact, I’m actually pretty proud of it. Because they aren’t smart-asses like a lot of teenagers are: disrespectful little bastards, spouting off with over-the-top sass to feel like grown ups. My kids are smart-asses in the best sense of the word: self-assured, smartly cynical, and only when they need to be. I might be bias (oh hell, of course I am)…but it’s true.
Examples of Perfect Patrick Smart-assery:
Kate has a caustically sharp wit but with a perfectly dry delivery. She tosses out one-liners like grenades, never even looking back at the explosions…cuz cool chicks never look back at explosions. She has a fairly high tolerance for dumbasses but once you breach that threshold, you better have an exit strategy because she’ll cut you off at the knees, verbally.
If Kate were a super-hero, she’d totally be Batman:
Abby is much more straightforward with her smart-assery and doesn’t have a very high tolerance built up yet…case in point: She put this picture on her chromebook at school:
Now, this is part of lyric from one of her favorite Twenty-One Pilots songs (it’s one of my favorites as well, in fact). There’s nothing wrong with this. At all. And she put it on as the wallpaper for her profile, which the kids are allowed to personalize. Well, a fellow student saw it and said it was ‘disturbing’. A teacher overheard his statement, looked a the picture, and agreed. So, this student & teacher changed Abby’s wallpaper to polar bears instead. So….what did my youngest smart-ass do? She changed it to this:
See? Smart. And funny. And I am expecting my phone call from the teacher anytime.
And Wyatt…he may have just won the smart-ass lottery. And he was the dark horse in this race…always respectful, to a fault. Never really stood up for himself, even when he should. But this kid just pulled the most epic example of smart-assery ever. Without going into too much detail, he got in trouble for something he did not do and was disciplined with In School Suspension because a teacher overreacted and didn’t bother to talk to Wyatt or stop to think about his character and whether or not he would really have done what she thought he did. She reacted in an immature and, quite frankly, ridiculous way that then caused Wyatt to miss class. The topper to all this is that part of the discipline was that he had to write an ‘apology letter’. At this point Wyatt decided he had had enough. If they wanted an apology, they were going to get one…but not in the way they anticipated. And, in some of the best writing he has produced, he proceeded to outline exactly what he thought of the situation and the teacher’s reactionary ‘fit’. It. Was. Epic. No…really!
It was Mary Poppins-slow-capping epic:
It was shocked-Lucy awesome (which is the face I made when I read certain parts):
It was kitten-says-Oh-My! good:
Let’s just say the kid made his points known, we backed him on it all the way, and so the school administration came around to his side…eventually.
So yeah…my kid are smart-asses when they need to be. And I fully believe that it’s something that will serve them well as adults. I don’t want them to be jerks…but I do want them to be able to stand up for themselves when needed.