My Body

Today’s I’m-thankful-for is more of a challenge.  Today I’m being thankful for my body.  And this is challenging why?  Well, because I have always struggled with my body image and having self-confidence.  Even waaayyyy back in high school, I was never confident with myself…how I looked, how to act, what to say.  I was really good at flying below the radar:  not popular but not unpopular, just….forgettable.

 

As I’ve gotten older I’ve accepted my social awkwardness and not-saying-the-right-thing-ness but the whole body-image thing has always hung on.  Especially after gaining 55, 60 & 65 pounds with my three pregnancies.  In case you don’t know, thats a lot.  But after each one, I lost all the weight. In fact, after my third child I was the smallest I’ve been:  size 4!  My weight and appearance have changed over the years and so has the way people have treated me.  Not like some ‘What Would You Do?’ skit but in subtle ways that you still notice.

 

Now, here I am at 40 and my body has decided to put on an extra 15 pounds that I haven’t been able to get rid off.  But here’s the weird thing:  along with that extra weight came a peace about my body.  See…weird, I know.  Yes, I am heavier now than I have been in years and I’m easily a size 10.  Yes, I would like to take these 15 pounds off again and lose the little pooch I have that sits right over my c-section scar.  Yes, I would still like my thighs to be smaller and firmer.  But…and this is a BIG but, no pun intended…I actually like my body right now.  Really.  Who would have thunk it?  I like my curves.  I like that my body is still strong and powerful and, dare I say it, beautiful.  I like that I finally feel at home in my own skin.

 

Will I ever be 100% satisfied with my body?  No.  I know that I will look at a picture of myself and my eyes will still go right to the flaws I see.  But, they won’t linger there.  And that’s something new and pretty awesome.  I will always workout and be trying to improve myself but now it’s a because I like what I see and not because I’m trying to ‘fix’ it.  Now, it’s because I really am thankful for this body.

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