I’ve Donated My Heart To Science

I’ve donated my heart to science.  Ok, it’s not MY heart.  And it’s not science.  It’s a cow heart and it’s my daughter’s drama club.  Close enough…sheesh.

My 11 year old is going to musical theater camp and they are creating a haunted house and learning the Thriller dance.  Yesterday she came home chattering on and on and on about all the scary scenes they had planned for the haunted house and how she is going to be the patient of a crazed doctor who will be chopping off her limbs and eating them.  Yea, that’s when I had second thoughts about signing her up for ‘musical theater’.  I mean, I knew this camp wasn’t going to be Mary Poppins but still…

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Today she came home in zombie make-up and sporting a ‘gash’ on her leg.   She made it herself and I was actually pretty impressed with how it turned out.  Then she asked if we had any ‘cow meat’ they could use for the scenes…as in, she wanted hamburger to put on the ends of her fake limbs that the doctor was supposed to ‘eat’ and a heart that he is supposed to take out of her open chest cavity.  That’s when I had third and fourth thoughts about ‘musical theater’.  Seriously, is Eli Roth directing this thing???

So, despite my misgivings, I told her that yes, we do have a freezer full of ‘cow meat’ and probably even have a heart or two. I know, that sounds so morbid but it’s the truth.  The butcher always sends the liver and heart and tongue with the rest of the beef and I don’t use them so they just kind of accumulate until I get tired of seeing them and throw them away.  I guess we are highly equipped for a bloody gore-fest…I had not realized that before.   Now I don’t have to throw them away, I’ll be donating them to the haunted house.

She’s all excited to go back to the theater group next week and tell them that she can provide the heart, and any myriad of other organs, that they will need.  Do I even need to point out the ridiculous of that sentence?  My daughter is the kid that volunteers cow organs.  Not, ‘hey, my mom will sew the costumes’ or ‘we’ll print the flyers’.  Nope.  Instead, it’s ‘we’ve got the cow meat’.  Mary Poppins, eat your heart out.  Literally.

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