As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, I’m turning 40 this August. It’s all good, not too worried about the age thing. But, I have had some weird things going on health wise so I went to the new doctor to get everything checked out. Nothing life-altering, just more annoying, like some relatively sudden weight gain and lots of fatigue. Hubby and I both went in for maintenance appointments…kind of like that part in “This is 40”. My life is like that movie right now, just without the age denial part and the fighting part and the pregnant part…so maybe it’s not so much like it after all. Nevermind.
Anyway….the doctor ordered a bunch blood work, a 24-hour urine test and a chest X-ray. Have you ever had a 24-hour urine test? Me neither. I had no idea what it was until the lab lady handed me this giant container and one of those ‘hats’, saying I have to collect all my urine for the next day and put it in there. Ladies…let me just say that this is a major pain in the ass. I’ve always been jealous of men being able to pee standing up and this just reinforced it. Good grief. And the most awesome part is lugging a giant container filled with pee back through the hospital the next day to return it to the lab. Yeah for 40.
After that fun filled experience, I still needed my chest X-ray so I went down the hall to check in at the imaging department. The tech calls me and as we are walking back he looks at my chest and asks, somewhat awkwardly, “Are you wearing a bra?” Now, that’s a relatively simple question and one that I’m sure he has to ask all the women that come in, lucky him. However, it also denoted the possibility that perhaps I was not wearing a bra and my boobs actually resided at that elevation of their own volition, something that hasn’t happened since 3 small people destroyed my body in their quest for life and nourishment. So, the fact that he asked and didn’t just automatically assume that I had the structural engineering secrets of Victoria at work under my t-shirt was awesome. Ok, ok…he probably assumed but let me have my precious illusions.
Once the bra was off however (with t-shirt still in place), I’m sure he realized the error of his ways. Yes, this is now the silhouette of a 40 year old mom…enjoy! But he had one more backhanded compliment to give me before he was done. “Because of your age,” he began…oh man, come on with the age thing, I know I’m getting old…”I have to ask if you could be pregnant”…oh, well that wasn’t where I thought this was going.
So this was my response to this poor guy: “No, there’s no way that I’m pregnant but thank you for still having to ask me that. And bless you for asking me if I was wearing a bra earlier and because it’s awesome that you implied that these things (me making a circular motion over the area of my chest) might actually be up here without tons of help at my age. You have made my day.”
To which he looked quite puzzled and just a bit uncomfortable and finally said “Ok, well then, I need you to stand over here…” I’m sure he thought I was mental but that’s OK, he really did make my day with those questions, sad as that may be.