Drinking in the Kitchen with Amy

So, I’m pretty much a light weight when it comes to drinking. Mostly because I don’t drink very much at all, maybe a glass of wine every once in a great while or a beer around the campfire. I don’t bother with the wine very often though because I’m the only one who drinks it so if I open a bottle it’s like a three day commitment to finish it and that just usually doesn’t happen. I say all this so you’ll have some context when you read the rest of this story.

I had opened a bottle of wine the other night (I believe it was to celebrate conquering all the make-your-own-invention bullshit) and I was determined not to waste it for once. So, fast forward to this afternoon and I decide to drink “some” of the wine while working in the kitchen and baking. Oh, and you should know that I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast time. You know where this is going don’t you? You little alcoholics, you.

I managed to get the fridge and pantry cleaned out and chop all the veggies before I started feeling a little buzzed. Now mind you, I don’t know that feeling all too well so for me it just starts to feel like my eyeballs don’t want to cooperate with my brain…everything seems about half a step behind where it should be. And I get sleepy. I mean, I’m a mom so I can fall asleep anytime if I just sit still long enough but this is the kind of sleepy that drags at your head. So here I am, making rice crispie treats, except I was making them out of old Cherrios that no one had eaten in several weeks, and it’s all I can do to concentrate on stirring the melting marshmallows and not burning myself. At this point I was on my second glass and thought “huh, perhaps this was not the best idea”. And then I figured I should do two things: 1. Eat something and 2. Sit down.

I decided to let Mike in on my altered mental state, which he thought was hilarious because it’s a rare thing that I drink enough to get silly. I mean, I’m pretty damn silly naturally so I don’t usually amplify it with alcohol. So I spent the next hour flopped in my chair, making goofy comments about whatever was on tv and how I felt like I needed to “smoosh” my face…so in general just making Mike laugh at me. And I ate half the pan of the rice crispie/stale Cherrios treats.

So this public service announcement brought to you by my now completely sober and over-stuffed self: drinking in the kitchen, while amusing to those around you, may cause unintentional eating of all the treats you’re supposedly making for your family. Now you know …. and knowing is half the battle. At least to those of us that remember GI Joe cartoons. See…totally sober and yet still completely ridiculous.

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