Coffee is the root of all evil…

Holy shit, people…it’s like the world has gone all topsy turvy and coffee is to blame.  Seriously, it’s caused so much irreverent offense that it should be scolded and put in the corner.  Go, coffee, go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.


So, here in America we’ve had the Starbucks HolidayCupGate event going on where people are freaking out about a red cup.  A red paper cup.  Can I say that one more time?  It’s just a fucking cup. Who gives a shit what color it is or if it is covered in snowflakes or reindeer or copulating elves?  Well, apparently a lot of people.  Because the ‘War on Christmas’.  It’s not even Thanksgiving yet people…really?  Poor Thanksgiving is always the goddamn bridesmaid, even with controversy.  Can we at least hold off on the ‘War on Christmas’ talk until after people have shown their utmost worst by fighting over stuff on Black Friday after not even taking a full 24 hours to just be thankful?  Because as long as we got that great deal on the big screen TV and only had to beat 2 people and pepper spray 3 others, then we can talk about the true reason for the season.


But a lot of people are paying for their Starbucks coffee so that they can then complain about the cup that said coffee is arriving in.  (The irony is just…I can’t even.  I hope you get it because I just can’t even put it into words right now.)  But here’s an idea….don’t.  You have the right to patron any business you like and you have the right to not do it as well.  Here’s the thing…I don’t need to hear about it.  Really, I don’t want to hear about.  And, if your faith is so tenuous that the decoration, or lack there of, on a paper cup can affect it, then maybe it’s time to put down the Starbucks and take some inner inventory of your relationship with the Lord.

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And then, over in the UK, there was another blow up around a coffee shop.  And I chimed in, as I tend to do, with a few choice words and, low and behold, I have some new friends over there.  And some people who don’t seem to enjoy my sense of humor so much, which really isn’t very original as there are plenty of those folks right here in the states.


A little place called Fuckoffee (which, let’s be honest, is THE BEST name.  Ever.) put out this sandwich board the other morning:

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For this of you who may not get the lingo (um, hello…watch a little BBC, people), ‘wellies’ are boots and ‘slag’ is like skank.  So, as I read this they are calling the Uggs a skanky boot.  This is a statement that I agree with.  Apparently, people thought they were calling women, particularly women who wear Uggs, skanks.  This is also a statement that I could agree with at times, but apparently it was also deemed offensive, misogynistic, foul, and several other adjectives, none of which were humorous, funny, biting, scathing, etc.  Cue the internet outrage…


So, me being me, I felt the need to chime in via Twitter as I follow @Fuckoffee (of course I do) and I found the sign to be funny and the backlash to be ridiculous.

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And there ensued some back and forth banter in which I continued to be my own likable self and let’s just say that I’m doing my part to keep up American/British relations.  Plus expanding vocabulary around the world.  It’s like I’m a freakin’ ambassador or something.

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There’s a whole bunch of tweets/comments/retweets, if you want to see the whole shmeal, you should go look at @fuckoffee‘s Twitter stream, but here’s the thing: this is all humorous and caustically funny but it also makes me sad.  This isn’t, and shouldn’t be, news.  This isn’t harangue worthy.  This shouldn’t even be a thing.  What coffee shops put on their cups or write on their sandwich boards should not be warranting this kind of outrage.


These headlines should be what you are paying attention to with the same vim and vigor.  Or better yet, the things that effect your own local area:  homelessness, poverty, how people in your area are going to stay warm & fed this holiday season (because I’m pretty sure they don’t give a fuck what Starbucks is putting on their cups this year).

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Where are the conversations over things that matter?  You know why they aren’t happening?  Because ‘outrage’ is easy…especially on social media.  It takes nothing to hammer out a few tweets to stir things up or call names (I know, because I do it and I own it).  That kind of ‘interaction’ is effortless.  And it’s just as meaningless.  There’s no substance to it at all.


Having a conversation, or showing true concern/outrage, takes effort.  It takes a willingness to go outside of yourself and take part in the effort to make things better, not just sit around and talk (tweet) about them.  That’s where the difference is…and if you get it and understand that Twitter/Facebook/Instagram are only sources of false outrage then that’s fine, have fun with it.  I sure do.  It’s the people who think that they are really out there ‘fighting injustice’ in 140 characters that are the ridiculous ones, getting themselves all worked up with nothing to actually show for it.


Know the difference between a made-up offense and something that is seriously concerning to humans as whole, and stop with the facade of outrage.  If something is truly offensive to you then do something substantial about it.  Get out of the interweb and actually do something to make the situation better.


Otherwise, just laugh at the sandwich board, order your coffee, and move on.

1 thought on “Coffee is the root of all evil…

  1. Amen! I was so appalled at the idea of this being such an offense. Naysayers of these kind should be banned from social media! Not to mention, the news media needs to grow a pair of balls (or breasts), and know when something shouldn’t be made “news”!

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