Ann Coulter “talks” about soccer…this post will have lots and lots of cursing.

Ann Coulter is a douche canoe.


You know this is going to be a pissed off post when it starts like that.


So, I just read Ann Coulter’s latest article and I am fucking pissed.  How is this woman any kind of a talking head?  She is so incredibly stupid.  And I don’t use that word often toward people.  I hate to call people stupid.  I would rather use all the curse words I know than use stupid but in this particular case, it fits.  And if it fits, it ships.


Dear Miss Ann has decided to grace us with her sports input regarding soccer.  And she’s so far off base that I really can’t tell if she has any reference to any sport, anywhere.  Here’s a link to her article.  Go read it and then come back…I’ll wait.  Really…go on because the rest of this rant is not going to make a lot of sense until you read the absolute drivel that has been printed.


See!  See, how stupid that was???  Ok, now that I’ve exploded with righteous soccer indignation and you’ve read the article, let’s talk about this in a logical way, shall we?


First, let’s just all thank our lucky starts that Ann decided to write this gem because, you know, we were all missing her opinion on the topic.  Now we can all rejoice that we’ve been thusly educated.  She did us the supreme favor of itemizing her points (lest we all get lost in her hyperbole) so let’s address these “points” in the same manner.


(1) She thinks “individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer”…right.  “There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child’s fragile self-esteem is bruised.”  So Abby Wambach and Megan Rapinoe were not heroes in the 2011 World Cup?  Dempsey and Brooks were not singled out for their individual achievements in their recent World Cup games?  True, the team operates as one but what Ann fails to see is that this happens only because each individual is playing their position, holding up their part of the game, to make the gears work like they do.  It’s easy to see when this doesn’t happen, if you actually watch soccer.  So, really she thinks that these people just run up and down the field, all willy-nilly, and the ball “accidentally goes in”.


Also, she makes the inference that soccer is not a “real” sport.  She does this several times in the article and it pisses me off.  She balls basketball a real sport but not soccer….seriously?  That’s not even a contact sport, people!


Also, she refers several time to “soccer moms” in a fairly disparaging manner.  You know what bitch?  I’m a soccer mom.  And a football mom.  And a wrestling mom.  And a drama mom.  I am whatever mom my kids need me to be.  Got a problem with that?  Bring it.


(2)  Girls can play with the boys because it takes so little skill.  You fucking bitch.  Really.  OK, first, girls don’t play with the boys in most cases.  And two, are you really saying that girls can’t play sports with physical prowess?  Girls are fucking badass.  And soccer girls are some of strongest, toughest, most talented athletes you will see on any field.  How dare you disparage young women as not being a good marker of the physical talent needed for a sport.


(3) I get that it’s difficult for people to be satisfied with a tie.  I kind of hate that part as well but guess what…it’s part of the sport.  And when it gets to the playoff rounds, it’ll go to OT and PKs.  Take a chill…there will be a winner.


(4)  Every goalie who’s missed the winning goal has experienced personal humiliation and every player at that level, and many lower levels, have experienced major injury.  This chick can never have actually watched a soccer game…seriously.  It’s like she was just given a writing prompt that she knew nothing about and just spewed rhetoric onto the page.  Let me clue you in, Ms. Coulter…My daughters are 12 & 14.  Over the last few years, their teammates have experienced major injuries…at 10-14 years old!  One girl took a shot to the knee when she was 12 and tore her ACL which required surgery.  At 12!  Another collided with a goalie and sustained a severe tib/fib fracture and had to wear a full leg cast for months…again, at 12.  Two weekends ago one of the 14 year olds collided with two other players and broke her collar bone…badly.  And that is in a recreational league at U12 & U14 age levels!


Now, that’s not to glorify those injuries and I think she does a disservice to athletes when she talks about ambulances carrying off the wounded after football games.  She is part of the problem of over glorification of athletic injuries and not paying attention to the true physical toll that it takes on the person beneath the uniform.  And this is coming from someone who loves hockey fights and MMA.  But, I don’t want to see an athlete injured.  That is not why I watch sports.  I want to see talent and commitment and physical toughness.  I don’t want to see a person’s livelihood cut short or an injury that will leave them with a mental deficit in years to come.


Also, she seems to be confusing 7 year old soccer with the World Cup…I seriously doubt the USA team broke out the juice boxes after their tie with Portugal.  But I think that would have been fun to see.


(5)  This is just a ridiculous “point” that I am not even wasting my breath on.


(6)  OK, she totally disses another woman’s sport here.  I could care less about the rest of what she has to say here…she totally throws women’s basketball under the bus.  What is with her hatred of women in sports?  Did you get picked last for the team, Ann?


(7) Again…this is just ridiculous drivel.


(8)  How does soccer have anything to do with the metric system?  She is so all over the board here…


(9)  The only thing to address here is that again she backhandedly disparages women’s sports:  “In soccer, the women’s games are as thrilling as the mens.”  Yes, yes they are.  And rightly so.  Stop hating on women athletes.


She ends this glorious bit of printed poo with this statement:  “I promise you:  No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer.”  Interesting statement.  Let me share a little history with you, my dear Ann:  My great-great-great-great-grandfather settled my family in Oregon in 1854 and we have lived here ever since.  And I watch soccer.  A lot.  You want to know something that will really make your hollow little head explode?  We are too cheap to purchase the premium channels so we watch the World Cup games on the spanish speaking channel.  Yes….we watch this icky foreign sport on a foreign language channel.  How un-American, right?  According to you, we are what’s wrong with this country.


But I can tell you, unequivocally, that the sport of soccer has helped shape my girls into the type of women this country needs.  Strong athletically, strong mentally, self-assured, smart, and healthy.  If you had any sense of what this sport…any sport…does for girls, you would be championing it instead of cutting it down.


At the very least, do some fucking research before you spout off about a topic.  Otherwise, your just talking to hear your head rattle.  And rattle it does.



2 thoughts on “Ann Coulter “talks” about soccer…this post will have lots and lots of cursing.

  1. Lol. Amen from me too Amy! I shared the article with my 14-year old female soccer player and she was offended beyond reproach. Clearly, she holds some grudge for a team that didn’t pick her…

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